Square 1

....Throughout our lifetime people come in and out of our lives. Nothing is static. We learn from these people, we get close to them and then they fade away. Some people seem to be there at the right time. I'd like to believe that quote that "friends are the family that you get to choose," but blood is still thicker than water. Now that sounds kind of cliche as well, but it's true...

If your family is angry at you, it's because they want the best for you. O.K so it's not really great when they disregard your feelings because of theirs however, after all is said and done and the dust settles, they will still be there. They watched you grow and grew with you. Now if they're not for a bit that's understandable. Again maybe not really understandable because sometimes they do not have to react the way they do. Things are very subjective. But at the same time you gotta know how they most definitely will react.

I'm still not very huge on the family thing, but I'm very cynical about the friend thing too. I love to hope and see the best in people but you will always be let down. I've never had that close friend or best friend relationship because my so called best friends really weren't. I am the type of person that will be there when you need me, help out and do the best I can. I am not like this because I expect anything in return, I'm just generally a nice person. I would like to think that my friends would appreciate my friendship but I'm not sure. I do not expect them to drop their lives for me or anything like that. I am a rational person and I understand that everyone has their own lives and has to do what they got to do and that's fine. But as I loose hope and become more cynical day after day it shows me how horrible people are and humans in general are. Then you can say I'm jaded and I make it seem that negative, but if your happy your more likely to buy anything, if you're not, then you think more critically.

I move in and out of my cynicism trying to become hopeful once again, because if we don't have hope then we might as well die. There is nothing without hope however, it's something foolish to buy into because sooner or later you end up back at square 1. Or at least I do.

So here I am at Square 1. Maybe you will see me again, or maybe I will just disappear.